I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
