end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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