I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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