Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
