I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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