hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She told me I should be a condom model.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
