4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
