please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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