she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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