Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
