it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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