My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
