Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
