i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
