Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
