threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
