peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Your dad touched me again.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
