sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
