Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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