my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
