I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
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Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
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Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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