What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
