You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
