if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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