3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
