You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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