Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
