I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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