I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Ladies don't puke and tell
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
