Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
