I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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