whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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