hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
