do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
