Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
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This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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