god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
