so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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