I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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