Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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