can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
