Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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