Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
