I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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