She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
