Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
