her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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