dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
