First date: that requires underwear, huh?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
