Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
