ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
