Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
