Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
