when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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