I am midnight drunk by noon
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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