We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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