i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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