Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
