i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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