i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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