I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
