perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
