Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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