; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
