Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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